Dear husband’s view

October 23, 2009 ANS
Tags: husband, shave

Well my theory is that the preliminary conversations, reactions and emotions that I am receiving are quite accurate and realistic of those that one may experience when they first address the topic of potential hair loss due to cancer treatments. Don’t get me wrong, I understand and whole heartedly acknowledge that not really having being diagnosed with cancer already removes a million emotions and reactions that I may encounter, I understand that if the news of my hair loss was accompanied by news of illness that my situation would be very different, but focussing on hair loss alone I am still experiencing interesting feelings and responses.

When I told my husband that I was going to “lose my hair” (obviously my project was explained in detail), his response was to propose a wager to avoid me going ahead, and secondly to comment that, “I won’t really do it”. Although both comments related to the project I feel that I can relate these comments to a more real emotion. The wager for it not to happen… he will match my sponsorship for me not to do it, can’t I just focus on a different project? Why?

Although if diagnosed my decision making capacity to a point would have been disabled, and my dear husband of course would have had no physical being to make deals with, I wonder whether these comments could be likened to pleas and questions released into the night air. Would he have released similar questions to the world wide universe? The greater power? The heavens? The moons? Whatever your spiritual or religious beliefs is this the point where you would have asked why and made a wager in desperation to detour your life path?

Once he accepted that the words he heard were spoken out loud and he was not dreaming, or suffering a crazy nightmare he seemed to enter the denial stage, again a stage I suspect may be a realistic stop on the journey for those touched by the true realisation that their loved ones are sick. “You won’t really do it”, “this isn’t happening”, “I will wake up to a brighter day”, “this will pass and the next thing will be along soon”- Then as we get closer and as conversations jerk him back to remembering my crazy plan I feel the tension and fear creep back, the unknown, what to expect, hesitation to take the road not travelled without being dragged.

Only time will show where we go from here, and of course remembering that we are only experiencing the smallest part of what it would feel like to be so unsure of the journey ahead.

Sponsor now- soon to be shaved, Shan.

Love you baby xoxo

Entry Filed under: Pre-shave

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