Flying in the V formation
Perhaps to a lot of you this animal/ human analogy is far from new but believe it or not I have only just stumbled across it and decided that it is very relevant to fighters of cancer, I also have another analogy that I made up, perhaps not as gracious and well explained as the researched one as I am so the researcher. Just a quick side step, do you know I even researched what colours my family should wear for our family portrait. How sad am I?
Anyway, if you’re interested, long sleeves draw attention to your face, if you’re dark skinned wear light and vice versa and wear a colour contrasting in shade to the backdrop.
I’d hate to have to make a decision that couldn’t be googled.
SO…. my analogies.
A supported cancer fighter.
A cancer fighter that is well supported needs to remember that the strength that comes from that support is imperative in staying in flight. Here is the analogy of the “flying in a V”. Now traditionally this analogy uses geese as its preferred bird type, to me geese don’t sound as attractive as a stalk or even swan so I “googled” around looking for another bird to refer to. I think for now at least I’m best sticking to the geese.
So… geese always fly in a V formation as without this support system they would use too much energy and increase the risk of plummeting to the ground by intensified amounts. The bird in the front takes the strain until it gets weary where it drops to the back and another supporter takes the strenuous front row position. The birds continue to rotate and support each other. The birds behind call out in support, “you can do it, come on, we’re here with you”. This support enables the lead bird to use its last bit of fight to get that bit further and know it did its best.
If or should I say when a bird falls from the V due to injury, fatigue or illness two supporters swoop down to mind it and support it until it recovers and can re-join the V or until it passes away, surrendering to the fight. The bird is never scared alone, never unprotected, never abandoned or unsupported.
Another thing I thought of was the feeling of being alone or just no fitting in as a cancer fighter in a non-cancer fighting community. I was swimming with the kids at the pool today and we were floating on our backs like star fish. With the slightest movement the centre of balance was lost- the floater sank. This reminded me of the instability of a fighter, like a Jenga tower or a game of pick up sticks, one wrong decision, one little cold, one bad test result and you could end up under the water, it all comes crashing down.
I guess the distance between the cancer fighter and others who try to understand but I guess never really will is that everything is muffled, the water in the ears creates a distance. You can hear what’s going on around you but it doesn’t seem as close to you. No-one can imagine, even if they tried that there was not a single minute in their day where they did not have the thought of “cancer” in the back of their mind. Even as a non-cancer fighter we can try to experience this by cognitively reminding ourselves what it must be like but I bet, I bet, we forget and the thought escapes us as we cool or sit down to watch a show. We don’t look at hair thinking “Will I lose my hair?”, we don’t see an ambulance and think ” I never want to go there again”. We have our heads above the water and need to remind ourselves to duck under and when up for air join the V.
Soon to be shaved Shan xoxo
Add a comment November 5, 2009
Tags: cancer, flying, geese, google, googling, goose, V formation
A night with Gemma
Well I must admit, I am tired! I spent last night, almost all night as a sleepless one with Gemma. Finally I forced myself to stagger upstairs to bed at 3.30am, only to be woken by beautiful early riser #4, Jaylan.
So… back to Gemma. Gemma is a gorgeous 18 year old who was diagnosed with ovarian cancer at 16 years. She has fought the ruthless villian and spent a short 8 months in remission until the cancer re-appeared. The second time no treatment available.
I hear Gemma cry as the tumour in her belly presses on her back. Her only dream, to grow old. She is devastated that her vision to have a white picket fence, children running around her yard and a letterbox with floral art embracing her home number standing proud out the front of her little peak roofed home. She had been given the “quality of life” speech, yet remains positive and looks forward. She is determined she is too young to die, has to many dreams, has been too good to god, no drugs, no cigarettes, no alcohol, not even a bad word until she became ground down by the constant shadow of her cancer. She is tired also but not from the late nights, she suffers the nose bleeds, infections, constant hospital admissions, calcium flushes, IV treatments. Gemma is tired of being tired. Gemma has had enough.
Gemma is my leading lady in my book, along side a character based on myself of course. Her story and battle is amazing, she tends to leave me in the day but then keeps me up all night, hence the extreme tiredness.
Anyway, I should attempt to get some rest before woken again. Please sponsor me to shave and support people’s fight by arming our society, our world with further knowledge; we need a cure and a preventative , for some, time is running out!
Sponsor me now.
soon to be shaved Shan xoxo
Add a comment November 4, 2009
Tags: Gemma, ovarian cancer
The first hint of doubt
Well throughout this whole thought process, yes, yes I admit the idea was only birthed 3 weeks ago, but all the same, I have never doubted my willingness to shave my head. When contemplating “what will people think?” My inside response was, “who cares”. This response making me think, “wow, I really am one of those people that don’t care what people think, perhaps I have achieved internal happiness”. I lived on this elevated platform for all of… a couple of days until….. I attended in all confidence and splendour, a funk dance gym class.
Well.. I walked into the gym and asked if the class was too difficult, admitting, as I was the new confident, honest, earthy self, that I could not dance and lacked some coordination and rhythm, slightly understated as I omitted the details of my almost dance phobia. A young guy leaning over the counter (from the customer side) looking too cool for school with his peaked cap backwards and his pant leg rolled up on one leg looked at me and said, “you’ll be fine, it’s fun”. Purely brought on by his hip hop appearance I asked, “we don’t have to spin on our heads or anything do we?” A chuckle and I proceeded in.
Outside of the class there were a few girls sitting down waiting, shirts tied in knots around their wastes showing their tanned mids, my insides with knots and the outside not to be seen over my dead body. This was the first realisation that I was old or at least in comparison to young, I should have turned now, the walking machines with personalised TV’s calling my name. But I stayed.
We all walked in to the class and I kept waiting for the unfit, overweight, uncoordinated people to join the class, you know the ones doing it “just for fun”. They didn’t come, instead just more toned, tanned, teen somethings that flirted and smirked at the instructor. I then felt a moment of relief when I saw another mum from my son’s school, perhaps not overweight but equally as old, “hi” I said, “how long have you done this for?”, as it was obvious all these girls were regulars. “not long,”, she replied. Mmmm short two word answer. “I can’t believe I’m here I’m such a bad dancer” I pried for a greater response. Unsatisfied I received “it’s not like it matters, it’s not exactly serious”. I could see she was distracted listening to the other girls talking and wanting to re-join their conversation, wanting to become her alias again, the girl at the gym, childless and again cool and free, not for one chance spending her gym night talking about her kids or to anyone that reminded her she had kids, perhaps a bit harsh but she was not exactly friendly.
Mmmm, okay, so I just sank back towards the back wall, where all new people in classes hide, the positioning in the class highlighting your virginity more than anything, well almost, not saying that you’re new when the teacher asks who’s first time it is is a close runner up as everyone in the class including the teacher then knows you as new and too embarrassed to own up to it.
I sat there amongst girls stretching out in ballet stretches like plasticine models and twirling their long blonde pony tails and I froze, I couldn’t leave as that would look worse, yet I was dying there staying. I had not felt so out of my depth in years. I suddenly thought, imagine how I would feel on top of these insecurities and doubts, if I was here, in this room with beauty, flexibility, hot bodies and long blonde pony tails, if… just if, I had no hair.
For a second I thought, I can’t do it, these types of people would eat me alive, they already reign over me, they wouldn’t admire me, think it was a great cause or applaud my efforts. I can’t do it.
After an hour that seemed like an eternity I made the bolt for the change room, grabbed my bad and dashed to the car to return to the safety and security of home. After some after thought and reflection I realise I will do it as someone with cancer treatment related hair loss would not have this choice and that is the whole point…. but as possibly lots of cancer fighters do, I will choose my paths carefully and will without a doubt be avoiding ones that make me feel unaccepted, I also need to work on myself as obviously this stems from within, I do however currently have no aim to return to funk dance in a hurry; hair or no hair.
Soon to be shaved Shan xoxo
Add a comment November 2, 2009
Tags: funk dance, gym
My current theory on fundraising
Well yesterday we held a Pink Ribbon Breakfast at work, it turned into lunch and almost an early dinner with us not finishing up until 5pm. What a day, picking up bread at 6am then cook, cook, cook. I’m soooo tired. All these feeling of lethargy are however offset by the fact that we raised $2030 plus funds still trickling in from our merchandise boxes out and about.
While frantically flipping eggs and sizzling bacon for the sale of endless numbers of rolls, it dawned on me, fundraising is easy, if people feel like they’re getting something for their money. People are prepared to give money away daily if it comes with the feeling of buying. Every time people buy take-a-way meals, have a coffee out or even buy a post-mix drink from a shop, they are donating effortlessly, and happy to do so. The profits at times are ridiculously huge, just not for charity, yet private enterprise. If you ask people to donate even $2, they stop to think, whereas for some reason to buy that $2 coke or $3 coffee or $3 bottle of water when you could have brought your own from home, it just doesn’t feel like you’re giving your money away as much as when you give for simple “feel good reasons”.
A second encounter that made me realise this sad, yet seemingly true nature of purchasing v’s giving was when some lovely home business owner offered to sponsor my son’s basketball team. He will buy the uniforms in exchange for a display of his logo on each shirt. Now wipe that image of pro-basketballers from your mind, my son is six and far, far from professional. So anyway, when I mentioning sponsoring the shave, I receive nervous giggles of avoidance. “No, I’m serious” I say, they then engage in another conversation they were so desperate to find as a distraction. So there we have it again, he will have at least $100 drift from his hands to sponsor a little group of pocket rocket basketballers, who at times run the wrong direction and have the ball catapult of their toe, and may I add offered this sponsorship without even being asked, yet won’t even entertain the idea of sponsoring a head shave. Holding those basketball shirts in is hands makes it feel like a purchase, not a donation or sponsorship.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a do-gooder donater at all, yet will donate to McDonalds, fresh water companies and supermarkets through purchasing non-essentials without thinking all the time, it’s just now I think the psychology behind it all has dawned on me. We raised $2030 in 7 hours. How many doors would I have had to knock on, or emails sent, or phone calls made to make that? Too many.
So… if my analysis is correct I can make $35400 to keep me shaving for a year if I think of enough fundraisers that provide the satisfaction of purchasing as opposed to giving (what a sad society). I guess with Christmas on the approach instead of letting people have Christmas as an excuse not to give I’ll have to think of a way I can allow them to purchase for Christmas, giving at the same time, whether they realise or not.
Mmmmm, I’ll keep you updated
Soon to be shaved, Shannon xoxo
Add a comment October 30, 2009
Tags: charity, fundraise, money, profit, purchase, sell
The children’s response
One aspect of this project that I didn’t give a lot of consideration to was the response or effect on my children. I knew that dear husband may struggle with the concept but didn’t think that the children would think twice about it, how I was wrong, and again reminded of the effects that having cancer and starting treatments and losing hair would have on anyone fighting the illness.
I have 4 children, 6-7y/o in 2 weeks, 4 and a half, 2 and a half and 9 months. I have already gone from having long hair past my shoulders to having shorter hair and no-one reacted much but when I broke the news that I was going to shave my head, their responses were quite different. I think that their reactions may be part related to age, gender perhaps, and of course personality.
My eldest (male) was fairly quiet and didn’t react much at all, he asked the universal question, “why?” and then just continued with his morning. Despite this, to my surprise when I was putting him to bed with a story later that night he said, “I don’t want you to shave your hair mummy, I love you looking like this”. This was the first tine that I felt slight guilt and realisation that I am in fact bringing my children on this journey with me and will have to manage it accordingly. Perhaps he will be embarrassed, confused, even scared? I guess the realisation that cancer fighters must have, or perhaps at the time don’t have; the realisation that they are not on their journey alone, that everyone around them boards the emotional roller coaster with them. I spoke to him in more detail and explained how it is only hair and fortunately could provide him with all the reasons as to why. He is now temporarily okay with the idea, a part of his personality- if there is a reason he usually can accept things, a reason, something I would not have been able to provide if I actually had been diagnosed with cancer.
My little lady; the one girl amongst all our boys. She id 4 and a half and seems quite preoccupied with looks and fashion. She doesn’t comment on ugly and beautiful as guess she’s still a bit young, yet she is Ms Fashion. Her shoes match her dress, which usually has been carefully chosen to match her underwear. Once she cried all day at preschool because I wouldn’t let her do the mad dash inside to change her dress just before we departed home. Everyone was amazed, “there must be something wrong, she never carries on, she’s usually so happy, she must be getting sick, take her home and give her a quiet day at home if you like, it’s so out of nature”, NO, it was ALL about the dress. She stayed at preschool and all day until pick up time confirmed that the devastating state of affairs, was in fact the dress. So as you can see this is where I expected the objections, she has already been very forward in telling me that she doesn’t like my hair short as opposed to further down my back, and she cut her own hair as she was told it would then grow faster and she desperately wants locks to her bottom. However surprisingly all she has said to date is,
“I’m not shaving my hair!”
The two year old, the character of the lot. He doesn’t speak much yet and I’d say won’t give me much until I do it. My forecast is that he won’t mind. Dear husband has shaved hair and I guess at two-ish he doesn’t make the stereotype of male/ female hairstyles. And our last little bundle of joy, the 9 month old smiles at people’s souls. He is the most amazingly happy baby, he even held a smile when he was injected with his 6 month old needles. I honestly believes he looks beyond the skin and hopefully I am correct to believe that he will greet me with the cheeky, wide gummy smile that he always does, perhaps not quite as gummy by the time March rolls around.
I guess we’ll see as time goes on.
In thanks for all our happy, healthy, beautiful children
Soon to be shaved Shan- xoxo
Add a comment October 24, 2009
Tags: children. response, shave
Dear husband’s view
Well my theory is that the preliminary conversations, reactions and emotions that I am receiving are quite accurate and realistic of those that one may experience when they first address the topic of potential hair loss due to cancer treatments. Don’t get me wrong, I understand and whole heartedly acknowledge that not really having being diagnosed with cancer already removes a million emotions and reactions that I may encounter, I understand that if the news of my hair loss was accompanied by news of illness that my situation would be very different, but focussing on hair loss alone I am still experiencing interesting feelings and responses.
When I told my husband that I was going to “lose my hair” (obviously my project was explained in detail), his response was to propose a wager to avoid me going ahead, and secondly to comment that, “I won’t really do it”. Although both comments related to the project I feel that I can relate these comments to a more real emotion. The wager for it not to happen… he will match my sponsorship for me not to do it, can’t I just focus on a different project? Why?
Although if diagnosed my decision making capacity to a point would have been disabled, and my dear husband of course would have had no physical being to make deals with, I wonder whether these comments could be likened to pleas and questions released into the night air. Would he have released similar questions to the world wide universe? The greater power? The heavens? The moons? Whatever your spiritual or religious beliefs is this the point where you would have asked why and made a wager in desperation to detour your life path?
Once he accepted that the words he heard were spoken out loud and he was not dreaming, or suffering a crazy nightmare he seemed to enter the denial stage, again a stage I suspect may be a realistic stop on the journey for those touched by the true realisation that their loved ones are sick. “You won’t really do it”, “this isn’t happening”, “I will wake up to a brighter day”, “this will pass and the next thing will be along soon”- Then as we get closer and as conversations jerk him back to remembering my crazy plan I feel the tension and fear creep back, the unknown, what to expect, hesitation to take the road not travelled without being dragged.
Only time will show where we go from here, and of course remembering that we are only experiencing the smallest part of what it would feel like to be so unsure of the journey ahead.
Sponsor now- soon to be shaved, Shan.
Love you baby xoxo
Add a comment October 23, 2009
Tags: husband, shave
All about this site
Hi all and welcome to my site. Before you lightly glance at my content before moving onto another BLOG I ask you to STOP and think how many people that you know that have been touched by any cancer in anyway. If you can think of even one person then please read on. I have had a glorious idea, if I don’t say so myself. I realise that there are never ending fundraising events and causes out there but for right now I am committing my energy to one and I plead you to do the same. My energy is going into raising money for cancer, more specifically leukaemia and blood related cancers and I need your help.
I realise that losing hair due to cancer treatments is only a tiny step towards understanding what it must be like to be fighting leukaemia or any cancer, however I am hoping that by participating in “The Greatest shave”- March 11-13th, 2010 and adding my own flare by blogging my emotions, encounters and experiences that I can share an understanding of this small part of many people’s lives and help readers to understand a small part of what people fighting cancer must experience.
The plan: I am prepared to shave my head bald and remain bald a day for every $100 that I am sponsored. I will acknowledge all sponsors on my BLOG site and advertise business sponsors on my head when business sponsorship is over $500- I will provide photos on my BLOG and regular journal entries. So $10 000 worth of sponsorship not only helps the cause tremendously but keeps me bald and blogging for 100 days- My ultimate aim is to raise enough sponsorship to continue this project for a whole year so as to experience 4 seasons, Christmas, birthdays and a cycle of annual events everyday being reminded how strong and amazing people are that are fighting this illness wither personally or with their loved ones.
So help me raise funds and make it to 365 days, follow the sponsor link and sponsor now!
Soon to be shaved, Shannon.
Add a comment October 23, 2009
Tags: cancer, leukaemia, shave, sponsor
